Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Jet & Cord: Team Cowboy

Ugh. I don't like cowboys. I don't like country music. Cowboy boots are handcrafted in Hades and chaps are only useful if they're assless. This does not bode well for Team Cowboy. Before I've even taken a look at their bios, I already know I don't like them. Cowboys tend to be right wing, overly Christian, homophobic, and fond of calling their women "little ladies". Sure, I'm relying on every stereotype in the book, but if these boys prove me wrong they'll emerge as heroes in the end. I leave the challenge up to them.

These lasso tossing young gents are Jet and Cord and they're brothers from Oklahoma. Jet is 30, loves to read, and says his brother Cord is his hero. Cord is 29, a champion bull rider, and doesn't own a tv or radio. Hold up! No tv? That's just not right. I don't trust people who don't watch television. I think they should all be sent to live on a deserted island where they can spend their days and nights playing charades or whatever it is non-TV people do. Madonna will be their queen. She doesn't like tv either. So self righteous.

Cord's life long dream, and I shit you not, is to get married, have lots of babies, and live happily ever after. *yawn* Oh sorry, I was just dozing off at how boring this idiot's life long dream is. How about traveling the world, starting a colony of leprechauns, or erecting a water tower full of gin? Those are life long dreams not keeping your wife barefoot and pregnant.

If you can imagine, Jet's dreams are even simpler. All this good ole boy wants is to keep being a cowboy and riding horses. If he wins the million dollars he'll pay off his house and go buy some books or something. I don't think these guys will win. Athletically, they might have an advantage, but the whole "fish out of water" thing in foreign lands might be their downfall. Look for them to last until midway, mutter phrases like "Aw shucks", "Gee willakers", and "Pardon me ma'am". Their ignorance could be charming, but they better make sure they're not rude or unaccepting of new cultures. If they're wide-eyed and innocent and open to everything and anything they see, I'll rethink my early hatred of them. Until then, I'll continue my lobby to rename country music as "Devil's Music". Don't let me down boys. The ball is in your court.


  1. I love your writing. u crack me up.

  2. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOklahoma where the wind...

  3. I'm glad you self-righteous morons are as judgmental as you claim right-wingers to be.