Thursday, February 4, 2010

Dana & Adrian: Team Moprah

Today we meet the Davis'. Dana and Adrian were high school sweethearts who are now married and living in Texas. On paper they sound like your typical couple. They want to be healthy, raise happy children, and continue to successfully run their property management/real estate firm, but if you're like me and are eagerly sniffing out anything to pick on you need only look beneath the surface. Hey, I don't have a video to mock and make fun of. I have to deal with what I'm given. I'm resourceful like that.

According to, Adrian doesn't like it when Dana busts his balls and serves up double standards on household duties. I'll interpret this to mean that she's a total nag and makes poor Adrian scrub and toil in the kitchen while she leaves used cotton balls covered in bright red nail polish all over the bathroom floor. I'll bet she doesn't flush the toilet either. Adrian probably huffs and pouts at having to put the dishes away while Dana soaks in her tub eating bonbons and throwing candy wrappers at his head. It could happen.

Dana would like to share her story of overcoming abuse and blah blah blah. Ugh... we don't need another Mackenzie Phillips chickie. You just do you and let Oprah do Oprah. By the way, she wants to trade places with Oprah which makes me think this bitch is looking for a book deal after all this is said and done. Am I being too harsh? No, I think not. She says Jesus is her hero. When I think "hero" I think Bonnie Tyler so there!

Well, I don't think I like the Davis'. They want to give part of their winnings to the church and that offends me personally. If I won a million bucks, I'd hang up my brothel business, fly to French Polynesia, buy an island beach house, and seduce the natives til my dying days. Screw the church. I'd spend my money on billowy silky thin curtains, top of the line opium, and enough glitter to dip every seashell in the ocean into. Anyhow, I'm thinking these two might bicker a little too much for my taste. Dana probably always thinks she's right and Adrian probably always gives in. How boring their sex life must be.

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