Saturday, September 26, 2009

Sam/Dan: The Gay Christian Brothers


Sam and Dan are gay and they're brothers. Do you love it? They came out to each other last summer and have been besties ever since. Currently, they're both students - one studying medicine, the other business. They grew up in a conservative Christian community and I'm dying to know how their parents reacted when they came out.


Anyhow, Dan is organized, open-minded, and spontaneous. He likes to work out, volunteer, and travel. Sam, on the other hand, is happy-go-lucky and optimistic. He loves being in the outdoors and will tackle any logic problem you place before him. Dan is blunt. Sam is not. This, they feel, will be their biggest challenge. As polar opposites they feel communication will be key.


Let's check out their video...


They seem pretty mature for their age... but they also seem kind of boring. Wait a tic... they want to flirt with the girls and pretend they're straight. Ha! I love it. I'm all for playing dirty and messing with people's minds. These two could be more evil than I thought.

Eric/Lisa: The New Age Lovemakers


Tomorrow is the big night! We're almost done with all the cast recaps. Today we'll be meeting the Paskels, Eric and Lisa. These two forty something vegans have been married for 18 years and run a yoga studio. From the above photo these 2 look like they could be a ton of fun. How could you not love their matching feathered bangs?

In addition to teaching Downward Dog, Eric and Lisa hold workshops dealing with family issues and addiction. I wonder which one of them is a former addict... maybe they both are? I mean, to teach people on dealing with addiction you have to have some sort of experience right? I'm gonna say they were drinkers. Although it would be a lot more exciting if they were former crackheads. Maybe they'll disclose all in their video. The CBS bio on them is noticably sparce. I'm getting nothing other than Lisa saying that Eric is carefree and trusting.

Let's check out the video...

Ha! I was right. They were total alkies. Can I call it or can I call it? Lisa is a little too "let's help the world be a better place" for me, but I'm kind of liking Eric. He promises nudity and sex. I heart you Eric. It's about time The Amazing Race went rated R. They're a little new agey, but I kind of dig it. My mother is no stranger to the psychic circuit and you wouldn't believe how many crystals I've received as gifts. Namaste bitches.

Please to enjoy:


Thursday, September 24, 2009

Brian/Ericka: Ebony & Ivory


No, this isn't an episode of The Jeffersons... Meet the Kleinschmidts! Wouldn't that be the best name for a reality show? I so need to go into producing it's not even funny. OK so Brian and Ericka are the interracial couple - as if you couldn't tell. They compare their relationship to a yin yang symbol and want to spread the message that love is colorblind. Oh pshaw! Forget all that hooey peace, love, and understanding crap. All I want to know is how much their parents hate them. (totally kidding)

It turns out Ericka used to be Miss America (2004). Dig it. I rhymed. Ericka met Brian at a leadership conference (whatever the hell that is) and, for him, it was love at first sight. Ericka wasn't as enamored of Vanilla Ice as he was of her, but they worked it out and eventually got funky with each other. Ericka, believe it or not, wants to be a country music star. While I loathe country music, I'm all for people breaking stereotypes and a black woman being a famous country singer almost makes me tinkle. I just love the idea of some ignorant hicks hearing one of her songs on the radio, falling in love with her, and then shitting their pants as soon as they discover she's African American. Leprechauns and "little people" would live in harmony if that happened and their evil civil war would finally come to an end.

Let's check out their video...

Ha! Sounds like their parents actually do hate them. He's annoying and never shuts up, but she seems quite delightful... up until she starts the beauty queen crap. I can picture her totally flipping the bitch switch. I'm all for that as long as it's dramatic and obnoxious. I'm thinking they'll go sooner than they'd like. What do you guys think?

Please to enjoy:

Garrett/Jessica: The Team To Beat?


Here we have our compulsory semi-dating couple. Garrett and Jessica met while studying abroad in Spain and have been dating off and on for several years. They're described as passionate and have had some pretty stellar break-ups from what I can gather. Described as "fiercely independent", neither of these bitches can make a commitment. No problem with that. Commitment is for suckers. ;) One thing these two can agree on is their love for travel. Between the two of them they've been to 50 countries. That could definitely come in handy.

Garrett is an engineer and thinks his quick analytical nature will be an advantage in the game. Jessica, on the other hand, is a little more creative and works as a lifestyle and travel editor. Both are physically fit and adventurous, always up for a challenge. Jessica has even climbed Mount Kilimanjaro in Tanzania. I'm thinking these two are hardcore and could be very tough to beat. Physically, they'll excel, but how will they do mentally and emotionally?

Let's check out their video...

I don't mind them. I have respect for anyone who loves to travel and I can't fault these two for their adventurous nature. They seem to have good heads on their shoulders. If they can find a way to communicate effectively and not get too anxious, they could do very well.

Please to enjoy:

Gary/Matt: Father & Son


Today we meet the father and son team of Gary and Matt. Not all has been sunshine and roses between these two. Gary wants Matt to open up and confide in him and Matt wants Gary to shut up and listen to him already. Apparently, The Amazing Race is a perfect venue to make this family therapy session happen. They think that racing around the world in one of the most tense games known to man is a great way to bond and spend quality time together. Ha! I see constant bickering in this duos future.

Gary likes Classic Rock while Matt prefers Metal. CBS.com seems to think this makes them as different as day and night. I disagree. Classic Rock is essentially the Metal of yesteryear, right? Hmmm what else? Gary likes to hunt and Matt likes to play video games. OK, I'll give CBS that one. That's a pretty drastic difference. Although if Matt likes to kill people in his video games an argument could be made for a similarity in a penchant for violence. If I cared, I could explore that further, but I don't so I won't.

Gary fancies himself to be direct, decisive, and competitive while Matt is more the free-loving creative peacemaker. I wonder if one's a Republican and the other is a Democrat...

OK enough yapping, let's check out their video...

Wow. On paper these two suck, but on the video they're not so bad. The dad is much cooler than I thought he would be. He's not the stern taskmaster I had envisioned. One thing's for sure though... these two will definitely have some stellar disagreements. They're already talking over one another and trying to supercede the other. Nice!

Please to enjoy:

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Herbert/Nathaniel: The Globetrotters



I just realized that if I want to be ready for Sunday I'm going to have to do more than one of these a day. Today we're meeting the semi famous players, the Harlem Globetrotters. Some people have a problem with famous people competing in The Amazing Race, but I kind of like it. I loved the School Of Rock guy who competed last year so I have no problem with it. Herbert and Nathaniel are indeed Harlem Globetrotters. Personally, I haven't heard a thing about the Globetrotters since I was a wee small innocent little girl. Are they still a big deal? Do they still make money? I, for one, have no idea.



They're both ginormous (obviously) and recently lost one of their best friends. That loss has been hard on them and I'm not sure how The Amazing Race will help, but they seem to think it will. These two have traveled to over 60 countries with the Globetrotters. 60?!? Seriously? That's like more than a huge rock band would ever visit. And they're young too. Herbert is 32 and Nathaniel is 28... so I guess the Globetrotters are still recruiting and going strong. Who knew?




Let's watch the video...

They seem like very nice guys and it's hard to find fault with them right off the bat. I'm thinking they could serve as comic relief. They even cracked up the interviewer. You know what? I like them. I didn't think I would, but I do. These guys are cute. They're psyched to race and I think they'll be fun to watch.

Please to enjoy:



Lance/Keri: The Douche & The Bravo Housewife


Today we meet engaged couple Lance and Keri. They think The Amazing Race will be a great way to test their relationship and communication skills. Ugh barf. I hate it when couples go on the show to "test" things they're ambivalent about. Just say you want to travel and win some cash and be done with it. Don't turn this into some kind of new age psycho couples therapy crap. Can you tell I'm grumpy today? I have zero tolerance for bullshit and that whole "testing our relationship" crap is tapping out my bullshit meter. Like these two were really sitting around the family room one day and said, "We need to test our relationship and communication skills before we decide to spend our life together. Let's do a reality show!" Whatever.



Lance is a lawyer and has a black belt in martial arts and is probably a total tool. He describes himself as having a "street persona". Sure. He looks like a douchebag who doggy ears Restoration Hardware catalogs. That's SO "street". Keri likes to jog and shop and bore me with her resume. She's kind and gentle, but says she's just as competitive as Lance.




I'm so ready to be done with these two... let's watch the video...




OK I'm 2 seconds in and I already hate Lance. He totally stole his douche smirk from Jessie and he stole his "I'm a lawyer" schtick from Star Jones. Remember on the first season of The View when Star would say "I'm a lawyer" at every chance she got? Well, that's this tool only he's an annoying white guy. Keri sounds like Teresa from Real Housewives. If she flips a table or two, she'll be my favorite, but right now I'm not feeling these two at all. Keri seems almost likable and I kind of just want to swoop in, shake her, and ask her what the hell she's doing with that lame ass.

Please to enjoy:

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Marcy/Ron: The Old People


Today we meet our token old couple. Marcy is 60 and Ron is 59. They met a year ago at an online dating site and think that age is no factor in being sexy and energetic. As most of my readers seem to be in this age bracket... aren't Marcy and Ron an inspiration?! Ugh... ok that was so not easy to type. Look, my mother is about Marcy's age and I make fun of her all the time. It's in my nature. She knows I do it with love and in about 25 years I'm sure some young chippies will be mocking me too, but until then I'll probably be heavy handed with the Centrum Silver and Metamucil jokes. You all have fair warning.

Wait a tic... how about that? Marcy is a photographer. It appears as if she's pretty successful in the advertising market and I absolutely have nothing bad to say about that. I'm also kind of digging the fact that she takes flying trapeze classes. I've always wanted to do that. I even tried to look it up online once, but couldn't find anything. How great would it be to swing upside down on a trapeze like Pink did at the VMA's complete with a pink heart over one booby? Marcy also speaks several languages and is the more impulsive of this duo.

Ron, on the other hand, is a day trader/math tutor. That's an odd combination, isn't it? Anyhow, Ron is the calm one. He's pragmatic and he likes to take his time when making a decision. That could be really annoying in the Amazing Race. Slow thinking usually gets you shouted at by your partner. For the record, I'd be a nightmare on the Amazing Race I'm sure. A lovely nightmare mind you, but a nightmare nonetheless. All the racing and rushing and frantic freaking out gives me crazy anxiety and makes my heart pound. I'm not calm by any stretch of the imagination, but that go go go rush rush rush mentality drives me crazy. Mr. O'Shaugnessy is at the pharmacy right now securing my vat of Xanax for the upcoming season. He never puts my seat back after he drives my car so I'm sure he'll be getting a beating later tonight.

Enough about me, let's watch the video...

I must have the wrong video because this looks like an eharmoney ad. Marcy's affection for arty long hair guys makes me like her even more and the fact that she called her psychic cracks me up. That is so something my mom would do. You know what? I kind of like them. I wouldn't mind it if these two made it far. What do you guys think?


Monday, September 21, 2009

Maria/Tiffany: Kick Ass Poker Chicks


I'll admit I was an Annie Duke fan on Celebrity Apprentice so I'm a little excited to meet these two lovely poker players. Maria and Tiffany have been playing poker together all over the world from Monte Carlo to Vegas. Both were the last women standing in the World Series of Poker Championships in 2007 and 2008 and both have set records in all sorts of poker rankings.

Tiffany is known in the poker community as "Hot Chips" and initially got into poker playing with fellow actors in Hollywood. She's acted her entire life and is a former beauty queen. Maria, on the other hand, has a fondness for singing and still sings in her sister's band when she's not busy playing poker. Both of these chicks are well-traveled, outspoken, savvy, independent and I'm kind of hoping they kick some major ass. It's about time an all female team won the Amazing Race.

Let's check out their video...

You know what? I like them. They're smart and well spoken and they're not flighty ditzy idiots (like that dumb ass blonde who just won Big Brother). And are they the ONLY all female team? Damn! That's not fair, is it? Good thing these two look strong and formidable. From what I've seen of them so far, I'd like them to stay in the game for a very long time.

Please to enjoy:

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Meghan/Cheyne: Look Like Brother & Sister

(If you're looking for the finale recap, please click here: FINALE RECAP)

Time to meet the teams racing this year. Meghan and Cheyne are up first and all I have to say is why does he have There's Something About Mary hair? They look like they should be clutching bibles and singing in a Mormon choir or something. OK so Meghan and Cheyne are both 23 years of age and they met in elementary school trying to kick each other's ass in a heated game of tether ball. I remember tether ball. If you hit the ball the wrong way with your hand a pain would shoot up your arm and make you bite your lip. Good times. So these 2 blondies have been dating for 5 years. 5 years at 23 years old?! That means neither got to sow their wild college oats. Bummer.

They both work in what sound like really boring fields. If I cared, I'd go into detail, but I don't so I won't. Meghan coaches a girls soccer team when she's not in the office and Cheyne shares her soccer passion as well. They think their athletic strengths and skills will give them an advantage in the race. Basically, they're going to use their sparkly white teeth, manes of golden hair, and positive attitudes to get them to the final leg of the race. Ugh. I'm already annoyed by them. Meghan can be stubborn and Cheyne is a bit of a peacemaker (this drives Meghan crazy), but they hope to combat theses difficulties and take home the million dollars. Yeah well I hope they accidentally fall into a volcano. I'm just saying...

Watching the video... oh wow. In profile, dooesn't Cheyne totally have Owen Wilson lips? He's so Hansel. These 2 are boring and I predict Meghan will totally bitch it up and be annoying. They'll probably do well physically, but I can really see them driving each other batshit crazy in the back of a cab somewhere.

Please to enjoy: